


so five losers and four rangers walk into a bar. bar explodes.

by dorky (dorcas_gustine)



Category: The A-Team (2010), The Losers (2010)
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-11
Updated: 2010-07-11
Packaged: 2017-10-10 12:12:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/99613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorcas_gustine/pseuds/dorky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is not a road, it's the Port of LA.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so five losers and four rangers walk into a bar. bar explodes.

**Author's Note:**

> It _had_ to happen! Especially after someone mentioned that the showdowns in both movies happened in the Port of LA.   
> Not betaed, but elspethdixon and dieewigenacht both gave lovely suggestions and corrected me when I was wrong.

Jensen squinted ahead and the Hummer slowly came to a stop, the engine rumbling softly.

Pooch sat up with a groan. "Why did you stop, man?"

"Because of that," Jensen said, pointing.

"Wha- _Huh_." Pooch blinked.

"Why did we stop?" came Clay's voice through the intercom.

"There's, uh- there's a man in the middle of the road," Jensen explained.

Clay's sigh was audible. "We're not on a road, go around- What do you mean there's a _man_ in the middle of the road?"

Then there was the sound of the car-door opening. Jensen grabbed the SMG he'd taken from one of Max's mercenaries and followed the others outside.

"Hey!" Pooch exclaimed. "No functioning legs here! I would like to be able to shoot something if there's any shooting to be done!"

"There's a man in the middle of the road," Clay said.

"That's what I said," Jensen nodded. "Although it's not really a road, because we're in the Port of-"

"Shut up, Jensen," Aisha said.

"Okay," Jensen said, then he went on. "You know what this reminds me of? It reminds me of that old trick with the fake dead man in the middle of the road posing as a distraction while his partners ambush the good Samaritan who stopped to help. Remember it? I think we did that one."

"There is no road here," Clay said, taking a few steps towards the unknown man. He too had acquired a shotgun from the mercenaries.

Aisha snorted. "And we're not good Samaritans."

Pooch had managed to partially climb out of the car and was now supporting his weight with one arm on the car-door and the other on the roof. He squinted in the sun. "That's an old trick, I wonder why people still fall for it. It's so _obvious_. How did we even pull it off?"

"Well, you know what they say," a voice said from behind them, "nothing like the classics."

They spun around, Aisha and Clay instantly raising their guns. There were two men standing in front of them and while they were both very tall, the huge black man with a Mohawk towered over the other one. Bleeding from several scratches and gashes and wearing dirty clothes, they looked like they had just had a bad day. And they carried shotguns, as well.

Pooch needed both his arms to keep himself upright, so he just cursed loudly.

Jensen just raised his arms. "Why does this feel so familiar?" he asked out loud to no one in particular. "I'm telling you guys, my life has taken a turn I don't really like lately. I could be in Bolivia making dolls right now."

"Could be worse," Clay said, his eyes never leaving the two men. "Right now you could be in Bolivia making dolls."

Jensen shrugged. "True that."

"You have a gun, Jensen," Aisha ground out. "Point it a the _two_ men."

"Oh, right!" Jensen lowered his arms and kept the two men in the line of fire of his SMG.

"Now we have you outnumbered," Aisha said.

"I beg to differ," said another voice, from behind them. "I believe we have you surrounded."

"Oh, come _on_!" Pooch exclaimed. "I'm going back in the car."

The man who was lying on the ground just a few moments before was now standing on the other side of the car, together with a tall, older man. They were both armed and looked like they had shared the other two's bad day.

Aisha and Clay switched targets so that now they were aiming at the newcomers. "Uh, guys?" Jensen said. "I only have one gun?"

"And now we have you outnumbered," Mohawk Guy said.

Clay laughed out loud. "I don't think so," he said. "If you even just think of firing that gun, you'd be dead before you hit the ground."

From the Hummer, the barrel emerged first, and then Cougar. Jensen grinned wide. "That's my friend Cougar," he said. "You wouldn't like him when he's angry."

"_Hola_," Cougar said.

"We seem to have reached a stalemate," the older man - obviously the boss - said.

"You work for Max?" Clay asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Who?"

"If you don't, why are you so interested in us?"

"Not you, man," the former-dead-guy said. "The _car_."

"You ain't taking the car," Pooch said, leaning forward as if to drape himself protectively over it.

"We need a car," Boss Man said.

"So do we," Jensen retorted.

"Not as much as us," Former Dead Guy said.

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Shut up, fool," Tall, Dark and Mohawked growled.

"You too, Jensen," Clay said.

"Look, guys, I'd like to see my wife before I die of old age," Pooch sighed. "And we've got a CIA dickhead to catch, so just shoot them in the legs or something and let's go."

"Feeling bitter, Legless Pooch?" Aisha snorted.

Slick Guy blinked. "CIA?"

Just then the sound of sirens could be heard from far away, getting closer with every seconds. Both Tall, Dark and Mohawked and Clay cursed loudly.

There was an awkward moment of silence.

"We better run before they find us, Clay," Pooch said.

"And the nuke," Jensen added.

"I think they might be here for us," Boss Man said.

"What nuke?" Slick Guy asked, raising one perfectly plucked eyebrow. Or at least Jensen was reasonably sure it was plucked, the man looked like he'd just walked out of a beauty salon. And then had rolled around in the dirt, but still. He was _really_ tan.

"Doubt it," Clay shrugged. "You didn't just leave the docks in a fiery ball of fire and are hunted by the CIA."

"Huuuuh," Former Dead Guy took a deep breath, his left hand gesturing weirdly. "Actually we kind of did and also kind of are."

Clay made a small noise of surprise. "What are the chances?"

"You seriously didn't hear all the the explosions? And the shots? And the fucking _rocket_?" Slick Guy asked. He seemed somewhat disappointed.

"Well, it wasn't like we hadn't our fair share of explosions, over here," Jensen shrugged. "Cougar killed an airplane with a motorbike. Big Kaboom."

"A guy sank a ship trying to kill us," Former Dead Guy said. "Containers all over the place. Messy stuff. And lots of people shooting."

"Big Kaboom," Jensen repeated. "That's much cooler."

"I got shot in the head," Former Dead Guy suddenly grinned. "Obviously, it didn't take."

"You'll both get shot in the head if you don't shut up this instant," Aisha growled.

"Truce?" Boss Man said.

"Not until you lower your gun," Clay replied.

They smirked at each other, but neither lowered his gun. The sirens were getting nearer.

"To hell with this," Pooch mumbled, letting himself fall backwards on the seat and quick as lightning he had his gun out. "You are outnumbered now, get in the goddamn car so we can all get out of here."

"Just how many guns you got in there?" Slick Guy asked, annoyed.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Jensen grinned, earning himself a confused frown.

"Your man - 'Pooch' was it? - is right," Boss Man said. "Perhaps we should join forces momentarily. We both could benefit from this."

"We have a car for you," Clay said, "but what do you guys have for us?"

A smile spread over the Boss Man's lips. "We plan ahead."

There was a long moment of silence, during which they were probably staring at each other, trying to gauge their respective worth, but it was all speculating on Jensen's part as he didn't dare taking his eyes off Slick Guy and Tall, Dark and Mohawked.

"Also, did I mention I got shot in the head and survived?" Former Dead Guy piped in.

In front of Jensen, Slick Guy couldn't seem to keep his smirk in check, while Tall, Dark and Mohawked rolled his eyes with a long-suffering sigh.

"Get in," Clay said. In his peripheral vision, Jensen saw him lowering his gun.

Slick Guy and Tall, Dark and Mohawked nodded and lowered their guns as well, Jensen following suit. Cougar lowered his but didn't take his finger off the trigger.

Slick Guy advanced, his grin growing wider with every step. "After you," he said to Aisha as he motioned towards the car interior.

"Oh no," Aisha said with one of her scary smiles. "After _you_."


End file.
